
vintagehollywd
- February 8th, 2005
Ok first things first.
Happy 23rd Birthday to the ever-sweet, caring, beautiful, witty, dashing, special Bethany (grrrrrrrrrrrowl)...
and!
Happy 2nd Anniversary to Bethany and her hubby Tony (cobaltbluetony)!!! Such a wonderful thing!!! I love you both! Enjoy your day.
*****
With that said...hmmm....where do i start??
Last night I had plans to go to a drag show with the mo's in New Hope. It didn't start till 11. I was debating whether or not i should go considering i had to be at work at 8 am...then have class till 715 tonight. After debating for oh, about 30 seconds, I decided i wanted to go. So when I tell my mom about my plans, she flips shit on me. I cannot stand living at home. I could see if i was unemployed and sat around doing nothing around the house all day. I balance a full time job, plus school, all of which was taken care of...and felt perfectly up for going despite being a tad tired (which i always am anyway).
Then i find out my father had the audacity to open my bank statement. That was another fight. There are just some levels of respect that should be given, regardless. If he had asked me to see my bank statement, i would have shown him. I have nothing to hide. Yes, i do spend my money, probably more than i should, but the fact that he opened my mail like he had free reign of it just bugged the shit out of me. Really, it did. That is a total lack of respect. I am going to be 23 years old dammit. When are they going to realize that? Usually my father is the one that gives me more respect...but i was totally pissed at him for doing it. Plus, I have been saving money. I am watching my spending. I am definitely putting money away to get a little nest egg so that the possibility of me moving out before 2006 happens.
So, I didn't say anything about it and left the house last night to run a couple errands. I went over to Karl's to let him know that I wasn't going to go, and he knows me all too well to know that I am annoyed. So we sit in the car to have a cigarette and i start telling him how pissed i was because 1. I really wanted to go and there was no reason that I couldn't and 2. the whole mail thing.
An hour and 4 cigarettes later, I feel like a total ass for being upset. Somehow, we started talking and just talking and talking and its amazing what people don't tell you. Or just, don't talk about. We talked to each other about so many things that were so deep. Things that really can fuck you up as a child when they happen at a young age. Things that if you knew him, you would never imagined happening, because of how he carries himself now, years later. i was amazed, appalled and sad about the things he said. I just wanted to cry for him and hug him and kiss him and tell him that i was sorry.
So after that slap in the face, i went home and did stuff. My dad fixed my computer so i was less mad at him, but still mad. Then Michael called and told me that if i wanted to go out, they were willing to bag the whole drag show thing and go out here in south jersey even though it sucked just so i could go. How sweet is that??
So anyway, in a way im glad i didn't go out cause i got some stuff done last night, but i really wished i could have gone. The next few weekends are packed with stuff to do for either work, school, family or charity stuff, not to forget, my birthday also, which apparently, people have big plans for me, as im told.
I really really need to move out. Had i gone away to school, i think i would have been better off...but then again, staying home was a smart idea too. Last year, my cousin and I were looking for places to live, and after it being FAMILY that screwed me over, im a little worried about getting a place with a friend. Megan and I talked about getting a place, half serious, after she had a dream that me, her and karl lived in a place together that was "Africa"...my room was all zebra (big surprise), her's was giraffe...karl slept wherever and the family room had plants and a log as a coffee table...
I have a hard time trusting people now a days, because i put so much trust in people that you should automatically know you should trust...Honestly, I don't think Megan would dick me over. We have been friends for 6 years...with gaps in between that we just lost touch, but still remained friends. She has NEVER attempted to take advantage of me. She has a steady job. She has ambition. She's neat and tidy...LOL (im not so much).
I think after i get some more money in the bank, im going to start looking. My parents have this big plan for me that when i graduate school and am ready, im going to buy. Thats a great idea...really it is, but not likely to happen. On my salary now, if i saved every spare penny i have, I still would not have enough money to buy anything nice for about 3 years. Im NOT staying at home that long.
Part of me wants to live the college lifestyle that i never had. But part of me wants to be smart about my next step. I just have to really sit and analyze the money situation and how it could possibly work. I know what megan can swing for herself. I have to see if its safe and feasible on my end without getting screwed.